I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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