i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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