Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
