peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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