Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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