We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
