girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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