We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
