"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
