he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
why is half of my head shaved?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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