evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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