My nipple is on Facebook.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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