It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
