It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
