like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize