im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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