I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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