you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
