my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
