My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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