i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
