Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
