I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
