I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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