trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
