"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
