Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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