i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize