we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
