saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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