Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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