garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i wish my penis had a tongue
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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