I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
