he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
