only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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