Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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