I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
