Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
