He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
