i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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