The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
