how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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