if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
