he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
