why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I had to cum in my sink.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize