I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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