Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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