You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
