Just fell off a train. Bad.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
