At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
