Ambien. No doubt about it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
