i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I feel like abortions should bother me more
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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