FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
