I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
