I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
