they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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