The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
