i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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