True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
