Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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