Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
